No way to go

As you can probably tell this is my first blog. For starters just to let you know I am only doing this cause I’ve been told by a lot of people (what i mean by a lot of people is friends colleagues my Boss and my psychologist) is that rather then wallowing in my sorrow I should put down my thoughts on paper . Apparently , its supposed to help me process my feeling in a more constructive way rather than self destructive . 

When i say self destructive i don’t mean that i am into drugs or anything nasty … I am just going through a break up that’s ALL.. and I am just not dealing with it in healthy way. For starters i still cant believe that we’ve broken up. I mean yeah we dates for 2 years and 8 months 

To be honest , I don’t even know why it hurts  … its not like he was the perfect guy or that we had a perfect relationship .

I don’t even know what about him makes me still wanna cling on to him?

what am I afraid of? does the thought of having no one to love you terrify me that much? Was what we had or shared really that special ? Is it cause I haven’t been single in 5 years ??? Have I forgotten to live by myself love myself and be happy with just myself ?

How can it mean so much to me when it was so easy for him to just forget it like it was nothing ..

 

 

Even with all the bad times i still manage to only remember the good times .. when he cant even stand to see my face or hear my voice!!!

i hate your voice its so pathetic i just hate listening your voice it drives me crazy  . I hate the way you say my name PAAWAN PAAWAN PAAWAN it drives me insane 

How could he say something so cold … the same person who used to fall asleep while talking to me on the phone cause he couldn’t bear the thought of hanging up on me , the guy who woke up and wanted me to be the first person he spoke to …. is he the same person ??? or have I changed has my voice really become that annoying in the last 2 years ? 

So many questions that I cant get answers to I know they are not questions that can alter the universe or change history or the future…  but don they deserve answers? 

Right now, cause of all of these questions reeling in my head i cant sleep cant work I am just stcuk in the middle of nowhere . I cant turn back I cant move forward. I am just STUCK and have No way to go !!!

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